Cotton-Pickin’ Days

One of the weirdest things about living in a house in London is the mail slot in the front door. I have never had mail shoved directly into my home. CHING! KERTHUNK! Each morning, the noise of the metal flap flying up to hit the door and the mail thudding to the ground make me jump out of my seat.

In California, we had a mailbox at the end of our driveway. In Baltimore, I had a box in the lobby of the apartment building. Same goes for Taiwan and Japan. In Vietnam, we got so few pieces of mail that they were slid under the door or hand delivered. Half of what we received had to be picked up from the post office anyway because they’d been opened for inspection in case we were trying to smuggle in who knows what contraband.

Today I came to another realization. This is the first time we’ve gotten junk mail in years. From my estimate, my parents in California get around 10 pieces of junk mail a day. We get about 2-3. Today, an envelope arrived from Oxfam with a free sachet of fairtrade coffee, a Sky TV advertisement, and some sort of home learning college brochure. The only junk mail I find remotely helpful are the delivery menus although most of those restaurants are absolute rubbish.

What junk mail did you get today?

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Today I heard a big fat fly buzzing above me, in front of me, around me, away from me,…. Seven hours later and I still haven’t caught him. And just when I typed this, it came and did a buzzing twirl in front of me. The electric fly swatter is in my lap.

Today I tasted overly sweet Vinacafe instant coffee, cinnamon grahams cereal, cold angel hair pasta with crab and salsa sauce, green onion roasted almonds, trail mix with greek yogurt, Xtra Cheddar Flavor Blasted Goldfish Crackers, homemade strawberry smoothie, roasted turkey thigh with strong herbs and crispy skin, stir-fried zucchini, and day-old steamed rice.

Today I saw the boats rock violently in the brown River Thames at high tide, the full moon shining over the same river, Stephen’s back as he rode away from me on his bicycle, and the glowing screen of my laptop.

Today I touched three loads of wet laundry, the sugary grit of Haribo Tangfastics, the edginess of freshly printed documents straight out of the printer, the frictionless touchpad on my laptop, and the sliminess of baby wipes.

Today I smelled the sweet scent of a freshly showered boy, the waxiness of Crayola crayons, and the grassy lemon of Bigelow Lemon Body Cream (highly recommended!).

What have your five senses done for you lately?

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Thank you to the man dressed all in black with the salt-and-pepper hair who cheered up a grumpy Stephen as he was riding his bike home. You encouraged him and played a chase game with him that snapped Stephen out of his funk and had him flying. When we got back, Stephen said, “That man cheered me up! He had a good plan.”

Thank you to the woman in the little silver compact car who offered us a ride in the pouring rain while we were walking to school one morning.

Thank you to the worker doing some sort of repair work under the sidewalk who took the time to step aside with all your equipment just so I could walk by. I could have easily stepped into the street, but your courtesy made me smile all day. (A half-thank you as well to the construction workers who’ve made some “nice” comments to me on my errand runs.)

Thank you to the gentleman who caught me on the bus when you thought I was falling over. I was actually catching my bag!

Thank you to the bike shop dude who helped adjust the brakes on Stephen’s bike even though it was an insurance liability. Oops. I mean, I adjusted the brakes with your guidance.

Thank you to London for all the green parks and walking/biking paths. Spring is wonderful here!

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In response to my post earlier this week about ethnicity, both Busy Mom and Liz Ditz told me to go read State of Grace who tackles it from a more personal approach. She wanted to know:

1. Is it okay to ask of someone’s racial background?

Sure! In fact, you might want to ask before making comments like this one - “I think Korean women are the most beautiful.” Huh? Did he know that I’m actually CHINESE? Yes or no, it’s a horrid comment. Butthead.

2. If you are okay with asking someone about her or his ethnicity, how do you pose the question? (Frequently used queries include - “What’s your heritage?” “What’s your race?” Or, the oft-asked but incorrectly worded, “What’s your nationality?”)

This one’s tough. Just cut to the chase. “What’s your ethnicity?” is ok with me. “Where do you come from?” is not so good. In Japan, I’d get that question because people couldn’t understand why I looked Asian but spoke English. Then if I said I was from California, they’d look even more confused and ask where my parents were from. If I were fourth generation Chinese (which I’m not), just imagine how much more I could mess with their minds.

3. If you are curious about someone’s racial background, but hesitate to ask her or him to discuss it, what prevents you from posing the question?

I don’t want them to think that’s all I notice about them although our skin color/ethnicity/race is clearly one of our defining characteristics. In fact, even when I’m describing someone I shy away from using any race-connected terms which is dumb because it detracts from painting a complete profile.

4. If you are of color/not white*, is it okay for a white person to ask about your racial background? If you take issue with a white person asking about your racial background, please explain why this presents a problem for you.

I don’t mind if people ask me. It’s far better than assuming I’m something other than I am.

~~~~~
Political correctness means that we’re to assume everyone is equally the same - men and women, white and black, Asian and Caucasian. Reality tells us that’s not true. We’re different!!! Just that the differences shouldn’t be preset at good or bad.

Yesterday I had someone ask when I came to London. London’s a fabulous place because there’s a mix of ethnicities, cultures, and nationalities in almost every corner of the city. I’m not sure where the woman who was asking is originally from but her English is heavily accented. When I said I had come to London about a year ago but grew up in California, she said, “Oooh. That’s why your English is perfect.”

I was not offended in the least that she wanted to know more about me. My appearance sets-up expectations while my behavior shatters them. As long as people accept me for who I am, it’s all good.

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Alister Cameron at Blogologist just joined the b5media family and while i was poking around his blog, I saw that he was apologizing for some sort of screw-up. Turns out he’d revealed someone who’d hired an “assistant” (I’d almost call the hire a spammer) as part of a link exchange/SEO strategy and this assistant had taken it upon herself to leave a poorly worded comment under her boss’s name on Alister’s blog. The comment got red flagged because it was clear via a RDNS lookup that the assistant was not the boss. Why did Alister have to apologize and what did people find most offensive? Alister pointed out that the boss was a white Canadian while the assistant was Filipino (later revealed to be Filipina).

Readers skewered Alister for making a big deal out of where the assistant was based and for calling this person a “filipino dude.” One complaint was that he should have capitalized Filipino. Oooook. Word Police on patrol. I’m a member of the Word Police too but if I were to go around tagging everyone who didn’t capitalize what they should, it’d be a full time job and then some. Then people got bent out of shape because Alister associated bad grammar with being Filipino in the Philippines. The horror! How dare he!

At the risk of getting trashed myself, I’m going to stick up for Alister, who probably has a harder time defending himself in the ethnic wars because he’s a white male. I’m a Chinese-American woman with a very Chinese name. (Hsien-Hsien Lei. Bet you don’t even know how to pronounce it. And don’t forget the Dr.!) I have a good grasp of the English language, if I may say so myself, but in the online environment, I am certain that many people who first come across my name immediately think “FOB - fresh off the boat.” Fortunately, most give me the benefit of the doubt once they read my work, but it’s a fact of life that we are judged by our appearance and our names and ethnicity are part of that.

English may be the most commercially popular global language right now (soon to be overtaken by Chinese and Urdu…haa) but that doesn’t mean people speak the same English everywhere. Jayvee points out that English is a national language in the Philippines. Yeah, and English is the national language in the US, the UK, and Singapore. That doesn’t mean everyone is capable of expressing themselves adequately in each of those countries.

Bad grammar exists everywhere and even people whose mother tongue is English engage in it routinely, deliberately. Remember ebonics? I’ve been living in London for over a year and only recently did I realize that “pants” here means underpants, and not trousers. I’m sure my friends were wondering why I needed to tell them that I’d gotten myself two pairs of new pants at Marks & Spencer. TMI!! And what about Singlish, Singaporean English? To me, it’s reasonable to expect that a person from the Philippines will use English differently than someone from Canada.

Frankly, I am MORE offended when someone ignores the fact that I am an English, Mandarin Chinese, Japanese-speaking Chinese-American woman scientist with a unique name. Being all those things makes me special. I don’t want you to pretend like I’m like everyone else. I’m not. Political correctness be damned.

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Confidence. Good to have. Hard to maintain.

I came across these 7 tips to increase your confidence via Lifehacker and although they probably work, they’re too cheesy for me. Here are the 7 tips that work for me.

1. Tell naysayers to go take a flying leap.
2. Stand up straight.
3. Squash any feelings of unease and step forward.
4. Step out of your comfort zone again and again and again. You might not succeed the first time, but when you do, it will be a true triumph and give you the trampoline jump to go higher.
5. Don’t be afraid to think you’re right. And you all know I’m always right.
6. Demand what you deserve and more.
7. Dress the part - a new handbag, fresh make-up, red jacket*, whatever snaps you in place.

*On the other hand, maybe a red jacket isn’t such a good idea.

The color red can affect how people function: Red means danger and commands us to stop in traffic. Researchers at the University of Rochester have now found that red also can keep us from performing our best on tests.

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Does this woman look like she needs to lose weight?! And if the idea was that you could lose enough weight to look like her, what is she doing on a scale anyway? If I were her, I’d be spending my time trying on sexy dresses instead of wasting it looking down on a scale. Unless she’s admiring her chest, of course.

When was the last time you stepped on a scale?

By the way, this week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

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Every now and then, stories pop up about postal workers successfully delivering poorly addressed mail. Khumi Burton received a postcard from Poland that was simply addressed as:

Khumi, Yellow Door, Wilmslow, England

So the secret to having your mail delivered is to have a front door painted in a bright and unique color.

I wouldn’t mind having a red front door with rainbow colored polka dots. What about you?

Photo: Martin Deutsch

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When I say “working at Starbucks,” I’m not talking about as a cashier or barista. I’m talking about all those Starbucks customers who like to bring their laptops and spend the day there working off the Wi-Fi connection. This is a phenomenon in almost every Starbucks I’ve been to no matter the country. And, I know Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf has a group of customers who like to do the same. Why?

First of all, Wi-Fi at the Starbucks here in London isn’t free; ?20 per month which also includes other T-Mobile hotspots but it appears to be cheaper if you’re an existing T-mobile cell phone customer. Why should I pay that when I’ve already paid a significant amount for broadband connection at home? Although I suppose it would have been handy when we didn’t have internet in our first months in London. (/me shakes fist at Wanadoo-Orange)

Then there’s the food - it’s none too good and also overpriced. And, I don’t find their tables to be big enough for proper work. I like to spread out all the magazines and books I use for reference plus my lunch, drink, external hard drive, camera, and other random stuff. Show me a table at any coffee shop that’s big enough for all that. Only my dining room table suffices. The wooden chairs and sofas also don’t seem to be ergonomically comfortable.

There’s also the issue of privacy. There’s no way I could do Skype voice calls or IM without wondering if someone is eavesdropping or peeking over my shoulder. I’d also find it difficult to concentrate with all the noise and activity. And, I definitely wouldn’t want to bump into anyone I know because I’d be obliged to chat instead of work. If it’s a stranger, it’s all the worse (and I do seem to attract talkative strangers).

I like to work at home where I can get other household chores done, wear anything I like, sit on my own comfortable and clean furniture, eat my own food, and not have to lug any muggable, breakable equipment out of the house. What about you? Do you like to do work in Starbucks or other public places?

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1. Organize your bags the night before.
2. Take your shower/bath at night so as to save time in the morning.
3. Eat a proper breakfast.
4. Always carry a pen, preferably the clicky retractable kind instead of the kind with caps that get lost.
5. Have a clean ziploc bag at the ready for emergencies.
6. Allow an extra 15 to 30 minutes to get anywhere. Better early than late.
7. Stock up on freezer food. You never know when the cupboard will run bare and you’re stuck at home.
8. Wear comfortable shoes.
9. Learn to deal with a change of plans.
10. Take care when spelling someone’s name.
11. Start emails, particularly those to strangers, with the proper address, i.e., Dear Dr. Lei.
12. Pay attention to details.
13. Check who emails are going to before clicking send.
14. Google for answers before hassling anyone.
15. Act like the person you want to be and you’ll be that person.
16. Hide your annoyance.
17. Never think you’re the best.
18. Get enough sleep.
19. Use a timer if you’re putting off a task. When it rings, it’s time to get going!
20. Buy the best quality you can afford.
21. Understand cultural differences even if it’s just between families.
22. Respond quickly but carefully.

What are your tips for success?

Framer

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