Cotton-Pickin’ Days

Time to buckle down and choose one of these to finish.

1. Punished by Rewards
2. Reading Lolita in Tehran
3. The Gene Makeover (reviewing for work)

All these half-read books (and magazines) lying around weigh me down so that I can barely enjoy reading.* I should learn to just let books go unfinished but I had good reasons for starting each of them. So I shall plow on today with Reading Lolita in Tehran and make that finish my goal for the week.

*I did have fun reading Tom Clancy’s The Teeth of the Tiger. How sad that it’s most likely the end of the Jack Ryan series. *sniff* (Yes, I’m a rare woman who reads spy thrillers.)

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A couple of weeks ago, I decided to read The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby after seeing Debra Hamel’s review. Here’s my mini-review:

Amazingly lucid. Bauby, who suffered a massive stroke and had locked-in syndrome, shares his world with us through flicks of his left eyelid. It’s too cheesy to say that the book inspires even though it did. In the end, it has nothing to do with us but was all about Bauby’s life. And really, that’s more than enough.

Reading the book now was great timing because the movie adaptation has just reached the theaters. Here’s the trailer. Unfortunately, I won’t get to watch until February when it comes to the UK.

This past week, I also read May Contain Nuts by John O’Farrell. After the awful week I had, this satire of UK parenting was a much needed source of smiles and guffaws.

Only parents who’ve ever had their children enrolled in the UK school system can understand the dilemmas of going public vs private. John O’Farrell makes laughing stock out of all of our neuroses. A much needed kick in the rear!

I’m still working on Reading Lolita in Tehran but am finding it slow-going mainly because Western lit has never been my forte or interest and also because the situation in Iran then and now is too horrifying for me in my present drained condition.

I also started former HP CEO Carly Fiorina’s Memoir today – Tough Choices. Thanks to my sister for lending me her autographed copy! A few chapters in and I can’t say I’m inspired but I do recognize the extreme importance of hard work. Time to buckle down and get to it. Tomorrow’s the start of a new week.

PS Join us at Sunday Salon!

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Sunday Salon for me is less about the act of reading than the reflection that comes after finishing a book. So while I spent most of today with Reading Lolita in Tehran, my thoughts were still with Digging to America – the story of how two families with adopted girls from Korea became almost-just almost-one.

My family immigrated to the US in 1979 when I was just shy of my seventh birthday. As expected, I didn’t have much difficulty learning English or assimilating although, like Kristina, I always knew we were different. That doesn’t mean we were any more different than other families, though. I also always knew that other people were different in their own way no matter how blond, blue-eyed, and “American” they might appear on the surface.

From Digging to America:

“No, you see,” she said, “you can get in a, what would you say it, a mind-set about these things. You can start to believe that your life is defined by your foreignness. You think everything would be different if only you belonged. ‘If only I were back home,’ you say, and you forget that you wouldn’t belong there either, after all these years. It wouldn’t be home at all anymore.”

Over the years as I’ve hopped from country to country, I’ve come to realize that it’s not the differences between me and everybody else that really matter. The real differences are actually between the real me and that other “I’m going to fit in” me. Although I identify as a California girl who’s as American as can be, how can I possibly know anymore what an American believes or how an American behaves when I haven’t lived there since 1998? In any case, the “I’m going to fit in” girl usually prevails because one part of my American attitude hasn’t changed – I believe in the great melting pot.

Assimilation is a good thing when it contributes to social harmony. I consciously observe local customs and behavior even when it means I’m not quite the “real” me. I don’t find it necessary to assert my independence and cultural identity at every turn. Assimilating doesn’t mean you’re abandoning one group for another. Identity and belonging are fluid and can flow smoothly through time and circumstance.

~~~~~
One more passage from Digging to America that made me feel melancholy:

He had embarked on parenthood reluctantly, sending regretful backward glances at his carefree young-married days, and although the first baby had proved a delight he hadn’t hankered for more. If not for Connie’s lobbying, Bitsy would have been an only child. Then of course the two boys were delights as well, and he wouldn’t have traded them for anything, but still he could remember quite clearly sitting in the melee of tantrums and wet diapers and little sharp-edged building blocks and thinking. Too many children and not enough Connie. He had felt almost childlike himself as he angled for Connie’s attention, snatched the smallest stray bits of her, competed for her ear and for her thoughtful, focused gaze.

~~~~~
You don’t have to be an immigrant to appreciate Digging to America but if you are, you’ll be amazed at how Anne Tyler captured the many thoughts, feelings, and experiences of immigrant families and their children. And in America, that’s pretty much everyone.

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Does watching the movie version of a book count for Sunday Salon? Stephen and I watched the last few chapters of the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice today, the one featuring Colin Firth and and Jennifer Ehle. It’s the treat I reward myself during ironing time each week. In fact, it’s worked so well that I’ve done more ironing than ever (although still not quite enough). Stephen enjoys watching as much as I do; he dances to the wonderful music and likes to mock crotchety Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Speaking of rewards, I started Punished by Rewards: The Trouble With Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn earlier this week. Over the past year or so, I’ve struggled with the idea of bribes vs. rewards. The difference between the two still doesn’t seem clear to me and as it turns out, the end results of bribing and rewarding probably end up being pretty much the same.

According to Kohn, rewards demotivate and in fact, inspire lower performance compared to having no rewards at all. I’m still in the first part of the book so i don’t know what he’s proposing for motivation if rewards in the form of stickers, toys, praise, etc. are not effective. I know that in our case, Stephen very quickly grows to expect “surprises” for no particular reason except for “being good.” And that he will even rationalize why I’ve given him any kind of treat.

Yesterday, I pulled a lollipop out of my bag. He was delighted since he gets about 5 lollipops a year at most.

Stephen: Why do I get a lollipop? Is it because I was nice to Y yesterday?
Me: There doesn’t have to be a reason for a treat. You know what you’re supposed to do. I don’t have to give you a surprise to do it.

I don’t think he quite got it. I’m not sure I do either. But hopefully, I will by the time I finish Punished By Rewards.

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What’s your idea of a perfect bookmark? I’ve tried all kinds – crocheted, cardboard, scrap paper, metal, plastic, ribbon,….

Yesterday, I splurged and picked up two metal bookmarks from Paperchase. One is silver with multicolor polka dots, the other is also silver but with a black inlay of butterflies, hearts, and flowers. They have a nice heft and feel good in the hand but they’re also a little too heavy and smooth, falling out of the book too easily.

I also picked up a set of two acrylic bookmarks which, from past experience, should do their job. I like acrylic bookmarks because they usually have interesting designs and the flexible, see-through feel seems more modern than the traditional paper bookmark with a tassle.

Paper bookmarks with a tassel are also in good supply around here. For a while, I collected Mary Engelbreit bookmarks. Mary Engelbreit’s drawings and quirky sayings never fail to make me smile but those darn tassles are forever falling apart. Very disappointing.

Years ago, when we were still dating, Marv got me a sterling silver Tiffany & Co. bookmark in the shape of a heart. It’s beautiful but the paperclip clamp design leaves a mark on pages that bothers me even though I give away half of the books I finish so it’s not like I’m going to see those marked pages again.

The most serviceable bookmarks are also the least pleasing – Post-It flags. Those things mark clearly, stick, and never get worn out. But, man, are they boring.

Lately, I’ve been stealing pages out of Stephen’s notebooks. His crooked handwriting and little sketches remind me of how far I’ve come in the many years since I learned to read. Maybe I should commission him to make a customized bookmark for every book I read like this sketch he created for his Mr. Men collection:

From Stephen’s Toy…

Wonder what he’d come up with for my current read – Punished by Rewards: The Trouble With Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes? /cue evil laughter

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I’m feeling too burned out to read today for Sunday Salon.

Yesterday, I plowed through almost 100 pages to finish After Dolly: The Uses and Misuses of Human Cloning. I enjoyed the book primarily for its descriptions of how science gets done. There’s actually not much about Dolly because, after all, she was just a sheep and lived a sheep’s life despite being a clone. After Dolly is also an excellent primer on cloning, stem cells, and embryo selection, which will change the human experience in ways we cannot begin to comprehend. I recommend Kazuo Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go as a complementary read.

I also started and finished The Vagina Monologues last night. I’ve never seen the play but I’m sure the book pales in comparison. The short essays about the female “down there” made me shake my head in disbelief – sometimes in horror, sometimes in amusement. (My favorite part of the book is the autographed inscription Eve Ensler wrote for my sister and me – Bless your vaginas.) I had thought the Vagina Monologues was meant to be titillating comedy. Little did I know that the main message is ending violence against women. Learn more at the V-Day website. Tyra Banks will be devoting her Monday show to the vagina as well. You can run from the word but you can’t hide!

Going to start Digging to America by Anne Tyler this week. Tonight, I may just flip through this month’s Vanity Fair and Atlantic Monthly for a break. The jewelry ads are particularly lovely to browse.

Van Cleef and Arpel Lucky Alhambra Necklace

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Via Maxine Clarke at Petrona, I learned of The Sunday Salon and thought I’d try to participate since weekends are when I do most my reading. (Late at night on weekdays, I use books more as a way to fall asleep than to get any meaningful reading done.)

Every Sunday the bloggers participating in that week’s Salon get together–at their separate desks, in their own particular time zones–and read. And blog about their reading. And comment on one another’s blogs. Think of it as an informal, weekly, mini read-a-thon, an excuse to put aside one’s earthly responsibilities and fall into a good book.

Participation is open to anyone with a blog and a stack of unread books.

That’s me! Although in my case (and I’m sure in most of yours), the stack is really stackS plural. My situation has been made worse after Lilian introduced me to The Book People. I’m currently eyeing this Stranger Than Fiction set of 10 books of which I’ve only read The Perfect Storm.

My goal each month is to get through at least one non-fiction book and one fiction book each. Sometimes I end up having read more non-fiction than fiction or vice versa depending on my mood but it all balances out in the end (see my list of books read since 1995). This month, I’ve found my non-fiction book of choice, After Dolly, to be slow going. It’s not the writing that is hard to plow through but more the topic. I’m 100% saturated by thoughts of DNA on a daily basis and really need an escape!

What I’m reading now:

1. Secret River by Kate Grenvile
2. After Dolly: The Uses and Misuses of Human Cloning by Ian Wilmut
3. Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships by Daniel Goleman

I’m sure I’ll be able to finish Secret River today and will push myself to finish After Dolly this week. I got Secret River after finishing This Thing of Darkness by Harry Thompson (highly recommended) about Charles Darwin and Captain Robert Fitzroy’s lives and their many-year journey to the Galapagos, Australia, and New Zealand.

Secret River reminds me of what an easy life I have (despite my complaints about housekeeping). Nobody I know clears land for planting food, lives in huts loosely constructed from eucalyptus bark, or eats moldy salt pork day in and day out like the early settlers of Australia and New Zealand. I think that’s why I need to read. To remind myself that there’s no place else I’d rather be and no other life I’d rather live. Life is good here and now.

Update: Join The Sunday Salon Facebook group!

Tags: SundaySalon

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Here are a few items that we currently can’t live without at our house.

The LEGO brick separator. If you’re like me with a little LEGO artist in the house, chances are you’ve cursed the LEGO bricks for a number of offenses including moments when they can’t be separated. This brick separator can be used in a number of ways. The head area has sockets that you can fit onto a brick that’s stuck and leverage it off. The flattened tail section can be used to pry off pieces that are too flat and small to hook on to the head of the separator. Buy more than one. You’ll be glad you did.

Stephen was doing fine at reading according to his teachers but I could tell he was struggling with the concept of “sounding it out.” Using this book, Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons by Siegfried Engelman, Phyllis Haddox, and Elaine Bruner, he’s already made noticeable progress and we’ve only finished 25 lessons. Everything is scripted out for the person teaching the child so it’s an easy way for both teacher and pupil.

The Logitech QuickCam Pro 5000 has some great features but the two that I like best are auto-focus and light adjustment. The picture quality and built-in microphone are excellent as well.

Technically we can live without this magazine but Real Life Bugs & Insects is the most fantastic magazine for kids that I’ve ever seen. Sponsored by the London Natural History Museum, each bi-weekly issue comes with a bug encased in plastic resin. All of us look forward to each new issue!

And I can’t forget about my fabulous Nespresso machine. I haven’t been to Starbucks in weeks because I can get my cappuccino and almond latte fix at home and all with an automatic nozzle for steamed milk and froth. It’s so easy to use, I hope to train Stephen to make me my daily cup soon!

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Don’t look back.

So hard to do especially when it comes to books. I need to tattoo Amazon on my arm to remind myself never to buy a book from an actual bookstore.

This morning, I finally went to Hatchards, “booksellers since 1797″ and “booksellers to the Royal Household.” (Nobody looking remotely like Royalty was in the store at the same time as me although the clerk had a posh prep school air and there were a few businessmen wandering about.) I’ve never bothered before because it didn’t look like the type of place that would welcome children. Knowing that books are almost always cheaper at Amazon, I would have been happy to buy a canvas bag or a bookmark emblazoned with HATCHARDS but they had none of that.

Imagine that! A bookstore that only sells books.

I was determined to get my shopper’s experience, though, and picked up The Rough Guide to Genes & Cloning as well as The Changing Face of China: From Mao to Market at full price. Not content to say I’d been, I could not resist double checking the prices when I got home. And of course, the books are both selling at Amazon.co.uk for about 30% less than cover price.

AHHHH!!!! Why oh why do I never learn?

At least I got two free paper bookmarks out of the deal but do you think they’re worth £7?!

*By the way, Hatchards is owned by retail giant Waterstone’s. Yet another reason why Hatchards is really nothing more than a name.

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Reading online is nothing like reading a book or a magazine. When I read a book, I take my time, read almost every word, and re-read parts that I didn’t quite understand the first time. When I read online, however, I tend to skim so rapidly that I often miss key bits of information.

Instant messaging conversations are probably the worst. Each party is so busy typing out what they want to say that it’s easy to miss a question or a comment the other person made. I’ve reviewed important or long IM conversations before and been appalled at some of the stuff I neglected to respond to. And a lot of times, the other person doesn’t even ask again because the conversation has already swept along to another unrelated topic.

Just now, I received a forwarded email from someone asking me to buy something for them. First I’d like to say that emails should be kept to-the-point rather than stuffed full of meandering sentence fluffs, preferably with lists if there are items involved. Anyway, I have no excuse for not reading the email carefully (even though I went over it twice) and ended up wasting time figuring out what specifically the person wanted when he’d already spelled it out. I still think the primary blame lies with the writer. HA!

Most of my online reading originates from Google Reader where I have 322 RSS feed subscriptions for news, information blogs, and personal blogs. Over the last 30 days, I’ve read (skimmed) 5,525 items for an average of 184 bits of info a day*. That’s not a lot compared to some people like Robert Scoble who has apparently read 28,433 items in the past 30 days from 739 subscriptions. But I wonder just how many he reads carefully and how many details he can recall.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter in this day and age when you can hop on Google and pull up whatever you need. But it sure is embarrassing to find out that you’ve missed key points that were right in front of your face.

How do your online and offline reading habits differ?

*FYI, if you use Google Reader, you can find these stats under the Trends link in the left sidebar. I’d be curious to know your stats too!

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