Archive for the 'Funny' Category
This poor pigeon reminds me of the Chinese story about a man who died from starvation. He was so lazy that he couldn’t even be bothered to eat the necklace of buns that was put around his neck.
Famine by Xu Xi at Ploughshares tells a similar tale:
She used to tell me an old legend about sloth.
There once was a man so lazy he wouldn’t even lift food to his mouth. When he was young, his mother fed him, but as his mother aged, she couldn’t. So he marries a woman who will feed him as his mother did. For a time, life is bliss.
Then one day, his wife must return to her village to visit her dying mother. “How will I eat?” he exclaims in fright. The wife conjures this plan. She bakes a gigantic cookie and hangs it on a string around his neck. All the lazy man must do is bend forward and eat. “Wonderful!” he says, and off she goes, promising to return.
On the first day, the man nibbles the edge of the cookie. Each day, he nibbles further. By the fourth day, he’s eaten so far down there’s no more cookie unless he turns it, which his wife expected he would since he could do this with his mouth.
However, the man’s so lazy he lies down instead and waits for his wife’s return. As the days pass, his stomach growls and begins to eat itself. Yet the man still won’t turn the cookie. By the time his wife comes home, the lazy man has starved to death.
mdmhvonpa of White Lightning Axiom sure has a way with words. Referring to a woman who repeatedly blocks the access lane of a handicapped parking (HP) spot:
Speaking of suckage, on Monday I found the HP-Hostile woman had parked her car in the slot again. The kids asked me if I were going to write her a note. I said no, that would be like putting lipstick on a pig. A lot of effort and it would still be a pig. I’m kinda hoping they repeat that if we see her next time.
Maybe that’s why I’ve never bothered with lipstick.
Last week, Stephen found a circular maze in the back of his bug magazine. Seeing how interested he was in it, I gave him Kumon’s My Book of Mazes: Things That Go! the next morning. He worked on it for several hours until he got about half way through the book. Later that evening, I had a look at his work and this is what I found.
Page 51 completed:
Page 50 – He found a shortcut! /me banghead:
Kumon workbooks are arranged by increasing levels of difficulty. In this particular maze workbook, the more fun vehicle-shaped mazes alternate with the graphical ones to build a child’s ability.
Me: Why didn’t you do this one properly?
Stephen: Because it’s boring!
Nice. Five years old and he already knows how to cut corners.
I read Stanford philosopher John Perry’s piece on structured procrastination a few months ago and have been using it to justify my existence.
Structured procrastination means shaping the structure of the tasks one has to do in a way that exploits this fact. The list of tasks one has in mind will be ordered by importance. Tasks that seem most urgent and important are on top. But there are also worthwhile tasks to perform lower down on the list. Doing these tasks becomes a way of not doing the things higher up on the list. With this sort of appropriate task structure, the procrastinator becomes a useful citizen. Indeed, the procrastinator can even acquire, as I have, a reputation for getting a lot done.
It’s a great way to make friends feel better too when they tell me about how badly they’re procrastinating. Most of us get everything done on time anyway but we take a few side trips along the way. You’re not alone. Join the structured procrastination Facebook group!
My online persona meshes pretty well with my offline one. Although I choose only the best pictures of myself to put up which isn’t saying much. I need to learn how to Photoshop myself to superstardom!
via Inky Circus
Me: Ouch!@# Why are you always climbing on me?!?!
Stephen: Because I love you!