darcy lizzie

Does watching the movie version of a book count for Sunday Salon? Stephen and I watched the last few chapters of the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice today, the one featuring Colin Firth and and Jennifer Ehle. It’s the treat I reward myself during ironing time each week. In fact, it’s worked so well that I’ve done more ironing than ever (although still not quite enough). Stephen enjoys watching as much as I do; he dances to the wonderful music and likes to mock crotchety Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Speaking of rewards, I started Punished by Rewards: The Trouble With Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn earlier this week. Over the past year or so, I’ve struggled with the idea of bribes vs. rewards. The difference between the two still doesn’t seem clear to me and as it turns out, the end results of bribing and rewarding probably end up being pretty much the same.

According to Kohn, rewards demotivate and in fact, inspire lower performance compared to having no rewards at all. I’m still in the first part of the book so i don’t know what he’s proposing for motivation if rewards in the form of stickers, toys, praise, etc. are not effective. I know that in our case, Stephen very quickly grows to expect “surprises” for no particular reason except for “being good.” And that he will even rationalize why I’ve given him any kind of treat.

Yesterday, I pulled a lollipop out of my bag. He was delighted since he gets about 5 lollipops a year at most.

Stephen: Why do I get a lollipop? Is it because I was nice to Y yesterday?
Me: There doesn’t have to be a reason for a treat. You know what you’re supposed to do. I don’t have to give you a surprise to do it.

I don’t think he quite got it. I’m not sure I do either. But hopefully, I will by the time I finish Punished By Rewards.