From Top Idiots:

Idiot # 1

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.

Here’s your sign lady. Wear it with pride.

fleet enemaHere’s my idiot story. For a few years on school holidays, I worked at one of the largest pharmacies in Northern California. A common prescription was for two bottles of Fleet enemas for “relief of occasional constipation or bowel cleansing before rectal examinations.”

One day, a woman came in with an empty bottle in the opened box and asked to speak to a pharmacist. She said that there was something wrong with the enema because she didn’t feel the urge to go to the bathroom afterwards.

The pharmacist asked her how she used the enema.

“I drank it!” she replied.

Oops! Wrong end!! The pharmacist replaced the used enema and carefully explained how to use it. If you’re not sure how to use an enema, read these instructions. (Hint: It goes in the bottom, not the top.)