Dogma for Children #294
Posted by Cottontimer on 15 Jul 2007 | Tagged as: Parenting, Stephen
Dogma: I will do what you say right away.
Doctrine: Failure of children to respect their elders, which includes their parents and teachers, causes great disharmony.
Why: I asked Stephen to wait until later to go on the bouncy castle at the local fair because it was too crowded. He refused and started shouting, crying, and screaming. We came straight home.
I’ve begun to realize I’ve been too lax with him. At almost age five, it’s time to learn that he can’t get what he wants by that kind of behavior. Before the new school year starts in September, we will learn to do what the teachers say right away whether that be putting our shoes on after PE, reading our books, or going in the classroom after recess.
Related: Good discussion of picking our battles vs surrendering at Partners in Parenting.
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Funny you should write about this now - I just spent the week with a very ornery 2-year-old, so I’ve been thinking a lot about getting children to behave…
I probably wouldn’t be this strict with a two-year-old but once they get in school, the teachers expect obedience so it’s time for us to be more strict at home. I regret having to indoctrinate him but I guess it’s an inevitable part of growing up. Boooo.
I think I decided around 4 years old that attachment parenting is for babies, not for older kids! There comes a time when “Because I said so” needs to get the same, if not a faster reaction out of your kid than getting down on one knee and trying to psychoanalyze why your 5 year old doesn’t want to clean up his legos! When the same kid yanks his hand out of yours and goes running through the parking lot, it’s not time to have a heartfelt conversation about manners and safety, it’s time to “STOP!” and obey your mother!
I admit, it is nice to have a line of communication with your child but not when they think it gives them an excuse to debate and negotiate instead of listening and following directions!
Whew! I thought I was going to get crucified for turning dictatorial. As much as I like and think it’s important to acknowledge Stephen’s feelings, he’s still got to realize that we’re the boss and what we say goes.
If I actually did a count, there are surprisingly few times during the day where he must do what I say right away. At school, however, it’s a totally different situation which is where I think Stephen is struggling. Then again, he is only just turning five next month. Argh. No excuses. No excuses.
Thanks for the commiseration, Joan. I always appreciate your comments!!
You’ll never get crucified by me. I’m the first to admit that if you get your children to bed at night still alive, you’ve done a pretty good job. Anything over and above that is just icing!
And I thought I had low standards!
I aspire to more every day, but some days I take what I can get!
hehe I’ve come to realize my parenting aspirations are just bunch of hooey.
This is why I take karate with my children. Every decision has an outcome … bad decisions have less than favorable results. Like 10 pushups. Asking ‘why?’ is ok, so long as you are in the process of doing what was requested.
I love the look on peoples faces when I command one of my 5 yr olds to ‘Drop and give me 10!’ … and they DO IT.
You’re joking, right? Right???
I told one of the teachers today about my new dogma and she didn’t seem to think it was necessary for kids to always obey. The other teacher however, clearly thought they should. lol You just can’t win!
Does that first one have kids over the age of 4?
You know, I’m not sure. She just had a new baby but for some reason I thought she had a teenage son or something but then she acts like her baby girl is her first. I must snoop around some more.
In any case, she is definitely the most understanding of all the teachers. They’re all wonderful but they expect obedience to different degrees.
I think you handled that situation very well. A lot of parents would just give in to stop the screaming. Good job!
Well, I didn’t tell you what we did when we got home! I lectured him then wrote the dogma on a piece of paper in big letters and stuck it on the dining room door. He reads it out loud voluntarily every time he passes it. I’ll have to take pic later of the door b/c he’s doodled more on the sign plus added a couple more posters of his own. LOL
DAMMIT! Stop pointing out my bad parenting, would you?
Wallace tried screaming for a while and that didn’t work, so then he turned on the waterworks and we give in to those far too often. They are a quieter, but no less obnoxious form of defiance.
The problem is that, at almost three, there is NOTHING but defiance. We have natural consequences, like if you say no to ice cream then you can’t have it, but the sixtieth time you’ve heard “no” in an hour it really starts to get tiring.
We’ve come down, but we’ve done so inconsistantly because we get tired of the neverending discipline.
But we should do more of it. He gets his way too often. Not all the time or even most of the time by any standards, but too often.
Honestly? I think everybody’s a bad parent at some point or other. And if kids can’t get away with stuff at least once in a while, what’s the point of being a kid? Cut yourself and Wallace some slack.
[...] couple of weekends ago, I came up with Dogma for Children #294 and made this sign as a reminder for Stephen: “I will do what you say Right Away.” [...]