Seeing things from a boy’s point of view is not easy for a mother who identifies herself as a feminist and women’s rights supporter. Like many women, I thought (and hoped) that I would have a daughter who I would teach to conquer the world. But then I gave birth to a boy and it’s probably for the better.

If I’d had a daughter, I might have become complacent because I would assume that I understood what she was going through. I would have treated her as an extension of myself which wouldn’t have been fair. Having a boy means I work harder at understanding things from his point of view. I read more, I research more, I think more about his experiences and what he will have to go through as he grows into a man.

Mike Miller over at Be A Good Dad points to statistics from The Boys Project that would worry any parent of a boy. They show that on average, boys are not doing better in our current girl-supporting culture and in fact, many are doing worse.* The mission of The Boys Project is “to accomplish for young men what the Girls Project so successfully accomplished for young women— to increase academic skills, to increase college success, and to develop the confidence, drive, and determination to contribute to American society.” Stephen may be catching on to this disparity a bit precociously.

Lately in school, he isn’t always very cooperative and protests more than what the teachers would like. His teacher told me that his new favorite phrase is “That’s not fair!” and one day, when she let the girls get in line first, he shouted, “Awww. That’s not fair!” Now of course I’m pretty sure she doesn’t always let the girls go first, but clearly Stephen has the makings of an activist and protestor.

IMG 5682Tony Woodlief said in the Wall Street Journal last month:

…I can’t shake the sense that boys are supposed to become manly. Rather than neutering their aggression, confidence and desire for danger, we should channel these instincts into honor, gentlemanliness and courage. Instead of inculcating timidity in our sons, it seems wiser to train them to face down bullies, which by necessity means teaching them how to throw a good uppercut. In his book “Manliness,” Harvey Mansfield writes that a person manifesting this quality “not only knows what justice requires, but he acts on his knowledge, making and executing the decision that the rest of us trembled even to define.” You can’t build a civilization and defend it against barbarians, fascists and playground bullies, in other words, with a nation of Phil Donahues.

I totally buy this argument and in fact I did literally as well when I purchased a copy of Woodlief’s pamphlet: Raising Wild Boys Into Men.

I can deal with wild. In fact, I’m pretty wild myself and I think it’s served me well.

*Of course we should continue to encourage girls but should not forget about the boys!