Asking People About Their Ethnicity
Posted by Cottontimer on 25 Mar 2007 | Tagged as: London, Me, Our World, Thoughts
In response to my post earlier this week about ethnicity, both Busy Mom and Liz Ditz told me to go read State of Grace who tackles it from a more personal approach. She wanted to know:
1. Is it okay to ask of someone’s racial background?
Sure! In fact, you might want to ask before making comments like this one - “I think Korean women are the most beautiful.” Huh? Did he know that I’m actually CHINESE? Yes or no, it’s a horrid comment. Butthead.
2. If you are okay with asking someone about her or his ethnicity, how do you pose the question? (Frequently used queries include - “What’s your heritage?” “What’s your race?” Or, the oft-asked but incorrectly worded, “What’s your nationality?”)
This one’s tough. Just cut to the chase. “What’s your ethnicity?” is ok with me. “Where do you come from?” is not so good. In Japan, I’d get that question because people couldn’t understand why I looked Asian but spoke English. Then if I said I was from California, they’d look even more confused and ask where my parents were from. If I were fourth generation Chinese (which I’m not), just imagine how much more I could mess with their minds.
3. If you are curious about someone’s racial background, but hesitate to ask her or him to discuss it, what prevents you from posing the question?
I don’t want them to think that’s all I notice about them although our skin color/ethnicity/race is clearly one of our defining characteristics. In fact, even when I’m describing someone I shy away from using any race-connected terms which is dumb because it detracts from painting a complete profile.
4. If you are of color/not white*, is it okay for a white person to ask about your racial background? If you take issue with a white person asking about your racial background, please explain why this presents a problem for you.
I don’t mind if people ask me. It’s far better than assuming I’m something other than I am.
~~~~~
Political correctness means that we’re to assume everyone is equally the same - men and women, white and black, Asian and Caucasian. Reality tells us that’s not true. We’re different!!! Just that the differences shouldn’t be preset at good or bad.
Yesterday I had someone ask when I came to London. London’s a fabulous place because there’s a mix of ethnicities, cultures, and nationalities in almost every corner of the city. I’m not sure where the woman who was asking is originally from but her English is heavily accented. When I said I had come to London about a year ago but grew up in California, she said, “Oooh. That’s why your English is perfect.”
I was not offended in the least that she wanted to know more about me. My appearance sets-up expectations while my behavior shatters them. As long as people accept me for who I am, it’s all good.
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Excellent! Bravo! Thank you!
I’ll be discussing the responses, including yours, in my next post. I should be getting my act together on this in the next few days. Life is interfering with my blogging, which is a good thing because that’s where all my blog fodder comes from.
All righty, then.
Again, many thanks.
I agree, I’d always rather people ask me than assume. Though, it would usually be better to do so before you insult people who share my ethnicity. Of course, by then you won’t need to ask, because I’ll have already pointed out the insult to you.
You know it’s funny but I’ve developed some sort of sense for recognising where an ethnically Asian person comes from, not just whether they are Korean/Chinese/Japan/Thai/Indonesian etc. (*SO* easy for me now), but also if they are huaqiao and if so, what country they are from (or at least what continent). So on Saturday I immediately noticed one of the 40+ Chinese students in the room with me was definitely North American huaqiao. I leaned over to my neighbour, an Indonesian huaqiao, and whispered “She’s GOT to be huaqiao, either America or Canada.” He disagreed but sure enough, she was Canadian.
Similarly, watching a random English football match, I noticed a black player who was undisputedly French to my eyes. I asked my friend and he was very surprised to confirm it was indeed the case. There’s something in people’s body language and facial expressions which tends to give away their “cultural ethnicity”.
Also… I fell out with a Canadian guy in my class very early on last term, because he didn’t realise I was English. He’d missed the first day of term where everyone introduces themself, and he had based himself on the fact that the teacher asked me questions about France and french language to assume that I was French. A few days into term he asked me where in France I had studied Chinese, and when I said London, he rolled his eyes and told me he absolutely hated the English and avoided their company whenever possible. I didn’t say anything at the time, just raised an eyebrow, but I think he felt rather uncomfortable when he realised in due course that I am actually English…
Living in Hawaii, there is a wide variety of ethnic backgrounds. It’s not really about what ethnicity you are but whether you’re local or not.
This is one of those topic that always confuses me. Should I? Shouldn’t I?
Thanks for bringing this up. I’ll admit, I do get a little peeved being asked this question on job applications, loan applications and the like.
I just don’t think that should matter when you’re looking at the complete picture. Like QUALIFICATIONS for example
Grace: I should be saying the same to you! Thanks for engaging in this really interesting, and important conversation.
Kerri: In some ways it must be harder for people who actually look like everyone else because people then think it’s ok to say whatever because you couldn’t possibly be of THAT ethnic group.
Rosie: I think you’re totally right. I might not stick out immediately while in England but when I’m in Asia, it’s very clear that I’m not local. Just my loud laugh alone…. And what a crazy story about that guy thinking you were French. I feel like punching him.
Kailani: Hawaii is such an interesting ethnic mix. But yet people still find manage to define exclusionary criteria. (banghead)
Gayla: I wonder if some apps have questions about ethnicity b/c they have to prove that they’re providing equal service? Not sure…. Because I’m so obviously Chinese/Asian, I just fill it out because they’re going to discriminate whether or not I check the box. I haven’t sensed any overt discrimination ever, so hopefully most people are aware that I’ll clean their clock if they try it. hehehee
Oh, jeeze … could I tell you stories!
My Mrs never changed her last name … we’ll pretend it is ‘Choi’ for purposes of anonymity here. So, she’ll get a call when away on business or I’ll take the kids to a doctor appt where they are on the Mrs’s health care plan and I’ll be addressed as Mr Choi. Now, being of Nordic genetic origin, you should see the confusion on the faces when they actually see me. It’s a hoot!
So, when you next come to California, can I take you and Grace out for coffee?
It was interesting to read about your experience in London. I’m Asian-American and lived there for a bit in the mid-90’s. I had no idea how people would react to my ethnicity, but was pleasantly surprised that it turned out to be a non-issue. In fact, I’d never felt so “color-less” in my life. Several Brits and other Europeans asked me if I was American, but not one person asked about my ethnicity. For some reason being American was a much bigger issue.
mdmhvonpa: lol You are such a new age male.
Liz: I’ll email you! Will be in California in a week’s time.
Dayjamas: Hi! Thanks for the comment. I agree. The American accent attracts a lot of attention here in London. Almost as much as in Singapore where I get no end of stares. Sometimes people think I’m faking it to be cool. Duh.