IMG 4912-1There’s got to be a first time for everything, right? This morning, another child’s mother accused Stephen of scratching her son. Two 2 mm scratches - one on the side of his nose and one next to his mouth. The teachers never saw anything nor did the child report it to the teachers.

It’s probably better not to give any specifics about what happened this morning, but here’s what I think about children and altercations at school.

  1. Think highly of your children but not to the point where you believe they’re perfect and above reproach. Four-year-olds will say anything to please their mothers. Yes, they will even lie. (Heck, I know I did.) They probably don’t do it intentionally but seeing that their mother is upset about something, they’ll come up with the easiest explanation that will redirect their mother’s anxiety.
  2. Show your child you understand that they believe they’re telling their own version of the truth, but also let them know that you need to confirm the facts. Everyone sees things differently.
  3. Speak to the teachers. Do not confront the parents because only the teachers are at school to bear witness.
  4. Talk to people in private. Don’t make a scene. It makes everyone uncomfortable, especially the children.
  5. Stick to reality. Do not exaggerate a few tiny, barely noticeable scratches into missing eyeballs.
  6. Be logical. For example, a child (Stephen) with nonexistent fingernails can’t scratch effectively and a child with MANY younger sisters can’t possibly escape each day unscathed.
  7. Understand that children do get bumps, bruises, and scratches at school. Don’t make a big deal out of everything, it will only teach your child that every little thing deserves an unjustified amount of attention. I always tell Stephen to suck it up and keep going. Life is too short not to enjoy it just because of a few little owies. Not to mention that there’s so much to be accomplished, we have no time to sit around being a victim.
  8. Teach your child to defend his turf. Stephen will never be encouraged to go on the offensive, but he has been taught to stand up for himself. If your child is claiming that he’s being pushed around at school (but not to the point where he’s suffering serious harm, whether emotionally or physically), you need to teach him to stand up for himself, tell the aggressor “NO,” and report it the teacher if necessary.
  9. Have a good relationship with your child’s teachers and the other classroom helpers so that they feel more motivated to pay attention to your child. Let your children know that the adults in the classroom are their allies so if there are any issues, they should be free to go to them to resolve the problem immediately. If anything deserves to be discussed with the parents, the teachers should be the one to bring it up. By the time a child comes home telling his mother that someone has wronged him, it’s too late.
  10. Take your antidepressants and antipsychotic medication every day. (This tip courtesy of Christina.)

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m glad Stephen isn’t the victimized tattletale. His mother was always the one kicking butt and if I have anything to do about it, Stephen will be the same.