Arguing at Work
Posted by Cottontimer on 27 Mar 2006 | Tagged as: Career, Me
Arguing can be fun and accomplish quite a lot if it’s a give-and-take of ideas reaching a constructive conclusion. At home, I’ve decided that I prefer to maintain the peace whenever possible and to back down if it will make the other person happy (sometimes I don’t succeed, but I try!). At work, I enjoy a good discussion both for and against my points.
At Hopkins, our seminars were followed by question-and answer-sessions that had outsiders quivering in fear because the atmosphere was usually more challenging than friendly. I, however, enjoyed the adrenaline rush and the chance to think on my feet. Being passive never helped me learn anything.
Over the weekend, I got into some “spirited” discussions with work acquaintances. It’s been a while since I had to defend myself or go on the attack, so I was a little uncertain about whether I should rise to the occasion. Yet I felt I had to do so when confronted with finger pointing, chest puffing, and aggression. I’m glad I haven’t lost my touch and can still stand my own.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith has the Top 10 Tips for Resolving Arguments in the Workplace. It’s a good review of what’s acceptable or not when there are disagreements at work.
Everyone argues. Some do it overtly by yelling, while others do it covertly by avoiding contact and conversation. Whatever the method, the result is the same – hurt feelings and a loss of productivity. Here are my tips to help you argue constructively, and if done correctly, it can be a pathway to growth, problem solving and higher profits.
I do feel a little taller today.
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I think that Dr. Goldsmith makes an important distinction between anger and rage. I have witnessed (though fortunately not experienced) rage in the workplace, and it is something that I would not tolerate.
It’s odd, but I rarely get into arguments as such. Either it’s that I’m so damn scary ppl are afraid to light my fuse or I’m too damn likable for ppl to want to take it up with me. The world may never know.
oh yelling and moaning is a common way of arguing with boss amongst some of the managers at work. It was a shock when I first joined. It seemed the only possible thing to do in order to get your way. So it seemed.
I have never been one to yell, raise my voice to get my point across – at least out of the house, and especially at the workplace!
I have also been one who stores anger inside and one day explodes and says regretable things! I have matured in this aspect. Except when it comes with sis!
I am the quiet argumentative type. I avoid conflict at almost all costs. Any raised voices send me quivering in fear! sigh….This I have no idea why. My parents never did when I was young, but raised voices and yelling just make me completely small and afraid.
Congogirl: Rage is definitely unacceptable in the workplace.
mdmhvonpa: My guess is that you just know how to handle people.
Smitha: I think because your parents never raised their voices at you, you never got used to it. That’s why I try to yell at Stephen once in a while.
Liz says, find and read Suzette Haden Elgin on “How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable.
Online introduction to the concepts of verbal self defense.
“”Obviously it’s to your advantage to stay out of arguments in both your personal and your professional life, unless something truly important — something about which you care profoundly — is at stake. Even then, most of us are aware that it’s possible to have intense discussions that don’t turn into altercations. How is it, then, that intelligent people keep finding themselves involved in arguments almost by accident?”
Guide to verbal self-defense http://people.howstuffworks.com/vsd.htm
You can read her blog — a post on the above and the main url.
Liz: Thanks, Liz. Not put ‘em up!