Makeover shows are undermining my self esteem: Extreme Makeover, 10 Years Younger, and The Swan among others. I thought they’d be a good way to get an idea of what’s flattering and fashionable. Instead, every single makeover is making me feel frumpy, unattractive, and out-of-date.

This Friday, my parents are going to babysit Stephen while Marv and I go out for a business social dinner. It will be the first time we’ve gone out on our own without Stephen in tow. Yes, that’s three-and-a-half YEARS in which we have never been out alone without the boy. But that’s not what I’m worried about.

I am totally stressing out over my clothes or lack thereof! The few pieces of nice semi-dressy clothes I have are about 10 years old. They’re unfashionable, shapeless, and worn out. Just thinking about them makes me feel depressed.

Ten years ago, I would be out the door already in search of the perfect ensemble and whatever else that strikes my eye. Now I’m so out of the loop when it comes to clothes that I don’t feel excited about shopping at all. Trying on a million pieces of clothing that don’t suit me seems like a colossal waste of time. And, I know I need a whole outfit too - clothes, shoes, and accessories. Maybe I could use an extreme makeover too - plastic surgery and all.

Where’s that application form…?