The Dalai Lama gave multiple definitions for nonviolence during the hour-long conversation [at Stanford], including compassion and “protection for all living things.” “Violence is destruction; nonviolence is construction,” he said.

But the boundaries between violence and nonviolence cannot be determined simply by observing actions on their surface, he said. An individual can use nice words to cheat or exploit another, he said. Conversely, a harsh action could be done out of compassion and the intent to protect others, he added. Limited violence can be permissible, and countering a violent action with a strong countermeasure sometimes is not only permissible “but is the right thing to do,” he said.

Stanford Report, November 9, 2005

The Dalai Lama may have been referring to capital punishment and war between countries, but I think the concept could be applied to parenting as well. We can (not so easily) use only “nice words” or false praise when speaking to our children, but when it’s devoid of meaning, it’s also devoid of any positive effect. Similarly, when we speak harshly to our children to keep them out of danger or to teach a valuable lesson, it doesn’t necessarily cause irreparable harm to their ego.

The Dalai Lama is a wise, wise man.

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