Today I had the chance to practice my assertiveness skills. While waiting in line to order lunch at a local bakery/cafe, the man in front of me had his phone plastered to his ear. When the staff asked for sandwich orders, I looked at him to ask if he had ordered yet but phone yakker was so engrossed in his conversation that I was unable to catch his eye. After waiting a few moments to see if he would do so, I stepped forward to place my order.

The standard procedure at this bakery is to place your order to the side where they make the sandwiches, then continue waiting in line until you reach the register where you repeat your order to the cashier so s/he can ring you up. Phone yakker had clearly never been to this bakery before and didn’t know how to behave.

As soon as I tried to tell the staff what sandwiches we wanted, he got off the phone and said very rudely, “Why are you getting your sandwiches before us?” (Who “us” was I didn’t know since phone yakker was the only customer in front of me. I can only assume that he felt such importance that he thinks of himself as being worth more than one person.)

I replied, “You were busy talking on the phone and weren’t paying attention.”

At that moment, one of the sandwich makers quickly said, “I’ve got your order, sir.”

Phone yakker had no proper response especially when he realized all he had left to do was to pay while I was still waiting for my sandwiches to be prepared. He never looked me in the eye nor apologized for his behavior.

Did he think he could get away with intimidating me? I may be younger, shorter (shorter than him, but not so short on average since I’m 5′7″), female, and Asian, but I am certainly no pushover. I know how to be assertive and stand up for my rights.

Assertiveness is the ability to communicate opinions, thoughts, needs, and feelings in a direct, honest, and appropriate manner. Assertiveness involves standing up for your rights in a manner that does not offend others or deny the rights of others. When you are assertive you have more control over your life. You also make it less likely that other people will take advantage of you.

If he had wanted to continue the “conversation,” I would have gladly pointed out his lack of manners. All without the need to be aggressive - violating the rights and feelings of other people including phone yakker. Too bad he doesn’t have a clue what the difference is between assertiveness and aggressiveness.