Stephen has had many accidents during this time of learning how to use the toilet. Now that he’s able to go on his own 90% of the time, the 10% of the time when he forgets and pees on the floor can be frustrating because I know it’s not because he’s unable.

As much as I try to be matter-of-fact when I have to wipe up a huge puddle of pee on the floor or wash his ball tent along with 100 balls in the bathtub, I can’t help but pull my hair and raise my voice while I lecture and clean-up at the same time. But I would never, never, never hit him for it.

Not all parents and caregivers feel the same way. The News Sentinel reports that toilet training is “among the top stress factors leading to child abuse.” They list numerous children who died after being beaten for potty training accidents. (The cases are too distressing to list here.)


Parents often base when they toilet-train their child on opinion, generational bias, cultural custom and peer pressure, said Rachel Tobin-Smith, executive director of SCAN Inc. in Fort Wayne, which provides education and support services to parents and caregivers in order to prevent child abuse and neglect.

Parents brag about their 18-month-old being trained. Grandma criticizes the family whose 2 1/2 -year-old is still wearing diapers. The issue can mistakenly be pegged as the “hallmark” of good parenting, Tobin-Smith said.


One of my pet peeves is when people start bragging about how clever their children are for being able to “use the potty.” I got news for you. If children are not voluntarily going to the potty/toilet by themselves, pulling down their pants on their own, and doing their business, they’re not truly potty trained.

As for parents who start putting infants as young as 6 months on the potty, Dr. Roberta Hibbard said, “You can set up reflexes. It?s like house-training a dog. You can feed a child, set him on the potty and he?ll poop, but it?s not control. It?s reflex.”

It’s great when people use elimination communication (EC) from the start so they don’t have to deal with diapers. In my opinion, EC is as much about training parents as it is about training children. If the method is harmonious, then I think it’s wonderful.

Just as a reminder, here are some guidelines for figuring out if kiddies are ready to learn how to use the toilet on their own. As mdmhvonpa said to me before, using the toilet is not a physiologically necessary thing to do. Let them pace themselves.

Ready to go?

Rather than basing a child?s age on when to begin potty-training, use these indicators. Can the child:

  • Follow simple instructions.
  • Understand words about the toileting process.
  • Regulate the muscles responsible for elimination.
  • Express verbally a need to go.
  • Keep a diaper dry for two hours.
  • Get to the potty on his or her own.
  • Pull down diapers or underpants.

Pointer from Blogging Baby.