If you’re ever trapped in an enclosed space with me, you can bet I’ll smile and say hello. If you happen to have children with you, I’ll probably ask you how old they are and say something nice about them.

Earlier this week, I was on my way out with Stephen when a young expat mother with one those big all-terrain, three-wheel strollers squeezed into the elevator with us.

I made eye contact and asked, “How old is he? Six or seven months old?”

“No, he’s three-and-a-half months,” she replied.

“Oh! He’s a big one and so alert for just three months.”

She didn’t ask about Stephen at all.

I hope I didn’t say the wrong thing but the conversation ended there. When the elevator doors opened, we smiled at each other and went our separate ways.

And that’s how it usually is around here. A few civil words, but no tentative offers of friendship, like exchanging names, apartment numbers, or other personal information. Some mothers don’t even bother making eye contact or returning smiles. Does everyone already have enough mommy friends or does nobody want to deal with the hassle of getting to know each other?

Kimberly wrote at DotMoms,

Making mommy friends is a lot like cruising the singles scene. There’s a lot of hanging around making discrete eye contact, while sizing up the prospects.

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Once the target has been acquired, there’s the whole “making contact” dance. Showing interest, but not too much. Breaking the ice with a clever line. Trying to mask the whiff of desperation (among other things).

I’m not particularly desperate anymore like I was when we first arrived in Vietnam. In any case, it was never about finding friends for me as much as finding friends for Stephen. And since he’ll be starting school soon, that’s no longer as big of a concern.

Maybe it’s pathetic, but I get all the support I need from Marv or friends online. There are a couple of mommies here I enjoy hanging out with and going places with once a week or so. And, sadly, some “friends” are often more hassle than they’re worth.

Next time I see another mommy, I may just avert my eyes and keep my mouth shut.

NB: I’m only speaking of other expat moms because my Vietnamese is close to non-existent, making it impossible to meet and make friends with local mothers.