In the August issue of O Magazine, I learned a few things about dining etiquette.

  • When buttering your bread, first cut a piece of butter off the slab and put it on your bread plate. Break, don’t cut, bread and rolls, and then butter one bite at a time.

    Good thing I take big bites.

  • Think BMW–bread, meal, water–when you look down at your place setting. Your dinner roll will always be on the left , your meal in the middle, your beverage on the right.

    At a company dinner I attended, there was so much confusion about which water or bread belonged to whom that it had the waitstaff of a very chichi restaurant rolling their eyes at us.

  • Never lift your pinkie when drinking from a teacup or anything else

    I’ve never been able to lift my pinkie while drinking because I always get a cramp in my hand. I also get hand cramps whenever I use chopsticks for too long.

  • Always hold your wineglass by the stem.

    This will take some balance. I once embarrassed myself at a course on political fundraising because I had trouble balancing my paper cup of soda with my paper plate of food.

  • Never pick up a glass when you’re being toasted.

    Must remember this if I am ever so honored. Perhaps at a fete thrown by Forbes.com?!

  • Do not powder your nose or apply lipstick at the table, though a bit of clear gloss, dabbed on discreetly, is okay. If you have to cough, cough into your napkin, but never use your napkin as a tissue.

    Couldn’t avoid using my napkin as well as everyone else’s napkin to blow my nose when I was sick last week.

  • Soup should be sipped from the side of the spoon.

    Sounds like something only a contortionist could do.

  • Don’t dive into your food until all of your dining partners are served. If they’ve been served and you haven’t, advise them to begin so their meals won’t get cold.

    So let me get this straight. If your food hasn’t come, I shouldn’t eat. But to be polite, you should tell me to go ahead. What’s a hungry woman to do?!

Maybe it’s safer if I just continue ordering delivery and eating at home.