Methegirl3 posted today about prostitution. She mentioned that in Holland, some men turn to prostitutes because they’re so desperate for human touch. I can understand that. One of the toughest things Marv and I endured during the four years we spent apart at the beginning of our marriage was dealing without hugs, kisses, and cuddles. Now that we have Stephen, it’s even harder to imagine how we got by without the touch (or pummelling) of tender little hands and fingers, little feet and toes.

People without significant others (and some with?!) must be touch deprived. I don’t think most people are comfortable with hugging their friends for long periods of time or giving impromptu massages. Even sitting too closely or putting a hand on someone’s back sometimes seem ick.

Massage is a good way to get some intensive therapeutic touching. Trouble is, I’ve been afraid to go because the last few times, I got very bad headaches afterwards. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have a spiritual connection with my therapist?

First, it’s been shown that after a touch therapy, such as massage, there’s a reduction in the action of the hypothalamic area of the brain, which controls the so-called “fight or flight” response. The body’s level of stress hormones decreases and the level of endorphins increases, leading to a minimized perception of pain and a greater feeling of well-being.

At the same time, the muscles being touched or massaged relax as well. “I suspect it’s both a local effect of a relaxation response, and the brain kicking in and saying, ‘Okay, I don’t feel threatened; I feel good,’” says Dr. Mehl-Madrona.

In addition, if the touch comes from someone you have a positive bond with, like a friend, spouse or other loved one, you get the enhanced emotional experience of a greater sense of love and security. This is why a parent’s touch or embrace can make children relax, providing the feeling that all is right with the world, even if they’ve been harmed or scared.

“In almost every study done on touch, there’s been a beneficial effect,” says Dr. Mehl-Madrona.

~Swedish Medical Center

Raven Travillian pointed to a study that showed how touch differed between American and French teenagers.

Forty adolescents were observed at McDonald’s restaurants in Paris and Miami to assess the amount of touching and aggression during their peer interactions. The American adolescents spent less time leaning against, stroking, kissing, and hugging their peers than did the French adolescents. Instead, they showed more self-touching and more aggressive verbal and physical behavior.

It’s hard to say which behavior is more “correct.” Across cultures, there is a wide range of acceptable touching. The kind of hand holding and body contact I’ve seen between some men of certain ethnicities would get you punched or worse in the U.S.

As the mother of a very clingy toddler, I’m more likely to be touched out, but I can imagine the day when Stephen will push me away with an annoyed “Moooooom.” So I’m hoping all the many loving touches I get today will last me for a long long time. And I’m also hoping we’re filling Stephen’s touch reservoir to overflowing.

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