The person you see on this screen is not the real me. No, I’m not a (probably) fictitious blogger like the wealthy fugitive who writes she’s a flight risk. But, the real me would probably leave you with a different impression than what you get from reading my blog.

One of the key parts of me that you don’t see if you only interact with me online is my facial expression. When I was a kid, my mom had to remind me often to put on my “polite face” because people could see that I thought they were an idiot even if I kept my mouth shut. At a dinner with Marv’s dad in the early months of being pregnant with Stephen, I rolled my eyes so often that Marv called me on it later that night. I guess my hormone intoxication made me feel uninhibited.

The online me is unfailingly sweet and cheerful; filled with platitudes and apologies just in case anyone takes anything I write the wrong way. The online me does not like confrontation and seeks to end it even if it means I have to back down and turn the other cheek.

The real me can also be sweet, cheerful, sympathetic, and generous. And the real me is also funnier, wittier, and more cynical. The major difference between the online me and the real me is when someone is rude or insulting. Unlike the online me, the real me wouldn’t hesitate to fight back because I love to argue or debate people who don’t have all their facts.

The real me would have rolled her eyes at the online me if they met in real life. Unlike some people who feel more free to be obnoxious online, I’d rather strive to be the person I wish I were–more reasonable, peaceful, and understanding. There have been instances online when I have let people offend me and I have walked around for hours restraining myself from letting them have it even if it’s just words on a screen. Fortunately, that doesn’t happen too often. My online life is my entertainment and I’d like it to be as relaxing as possible.

I don’t want my online friends to think that I’m only pretending to like you when I really don’t. I genuinely enjoy my time with you. Maybe you already think that I’m abnormally reasonable and think I’m a fake. But, really, what you’re missing out on by not having a relationship with me outside of the Internet are the disagreements and annoyances. Those I save for the ones I truly love.