Last Thursday, while visiting my paternal grandmother at the apartment she shares with my uncle and aunt, I realized that I had a significant amount of DNA in common with 5 out of 6 people there. That night, at dinner with my mom’s oldest brother and wife plus his oldest son and family, 6 out of 8 people had DNA from the same ancestors as me. And on last weekend’s trip to visit various scenic spots along the way to Ilan, it was 9 out of 12 people. These numbers are significant for me because I grew up without any extended family nearby; most of the time I had DNA in common with just 3 people - my mom, dad, and younger sister.

The feeling of kinship is becoming harder to achieve as people, including me, have fewer children and family trees thin out. It’s not just DNA that binds us all together because if it were just genetic material, I’d have something in common with almost all living things. To my surprise, I was comfortable hanging out with my extended relatives despite not having seen them in many years. I also felt free to do and say what I wanted without fear of rejection. I think this was all possible because of our shared memories.

Some remember my mother as a toddler chasing after her older sister when she sneaked away on her bike at night. Others remember how exciting it was when my mother returned bearing gifts from the big city, Taipei, to their hometown which was then considered to be in the boondocks. My relatives were with us at the airport when my dad emigrated to the U.S. My cousins remember my terrible temper tantrums and how I loved to read. And we all remember how adorable my sister was with her big big eyes.

When Marv and I lived in Taiwan from 1998-9, I made very little effort to see my relatives. Although I sort of regret that, I now realize that I needed my parents there too to bridge the gap. Even better, this time I was there with Stephen, my contribution to the family tree. Now more people will have memories of him to share and memories to share with him. From now on, I pledge to do my best to foster Stephen’s connection with family even as we continue to move around the world.