Marriage has been good to me. I was fortunate enough to have found Marv fairly quickly. We became friends during our sophomore year at Stanford, became a couple half-way through our junior year, and got married a week after graduation. We had a few minor bumps before and after marrying, but none that would make me discourage someone from considering marriage. On the other hand, I would never try to convince someone that marriage was absolutely necessary for a happy life.

The matchmakers in this week’s New York Times Magazine article, however, think that everyone is searching for a mate. To them, everyone can and should be married.

Matchmakers believe that people should stop their agonized search for soul mates. After all, a soul mate can be glimpsed in many inappropriate objects: the soul may be located in someone who is too young or too old or too poor or the wrong religion or a convicted felon who is married to your sister.

The new matchmakers take a traditional approach. They believe that people do and should marry within their tribes.

These women (and why is it always women, not men?) know what they’re talking about. Early in my dating experience, I thought I was destined to be with someone, anyone, who was not Chinese. And who did I end up with? A man from my tribe. A Chinese tribe that values academic achievement, financial security, and filial piety.

Many of my friends, most of whom also happen to belong to the same tribe, are married by now. Some are still single and half-heartedly searching. Some try Internet dating services because they seem to be a low effort way of meeting someone and there are more and more couples today who first met online. But, I would guess that the success rate of these online services is dismal with a high probability of misrepresentation.

For people with money, a matchmaker of the caliber described in the NY Times would be ideal. It takes $20,000 for the initiation fee and $1,000 per year to be set-up on 12 dates. Even if I had the money, I’d probably choose to spend it on something else. Because this is the advice you’d get from one of them:

Behind all of Samantha’s counsel is a simple message: if you want to marry, don’t blow it. Play ball, don’t rock the boat, avoid controversy, get along, don’t drag her or him into heavy conversations. Go out, have sex, take trips. Eventually, you’ll become comfortable, and attachment will grow, and pretty soon you’ll be cruising on a lane toward that tollbooth, and it’s harder to get off than to go forward. It’s not just that you should delay turning on that bright light of serious scrutiny (Is this really the right relationship for me?), which inevitably produces ambivalence; you should leave it off forever.

I do have to admit that the light of serious scrutiny in our home is pretty dim.