Thoughts of returning to work crosses my mind frequently. While we’re overseas away from the U.S. and Singapore, there’s no immediate need for me to find a job. But as soon as we return to either of these countries, it would be nice for us to have a second income.

Honestly speaking, even though it may also be arrogant of me, my pedigree and contacts should open plenty of doors. I will still have to do some research and figure out whether I want to go back to epidemiologic research or explore other areas of interest like regulatory affairs or science writing. I know I will probably have to mail out lots of C.V.’s, make lots of follow-up phone calls, go on lots of interviews, and receive lots of rejections. But the job hunting process doesn’t concern me. What I’m really worried about is choosing between working purely for the money or working to advance my career.

What will probably be best for our family is a drone’s job where I can punch in at 9 and punch out at 5 or at the latest, 6. That way, I can still devote all the rest of my outside office hours to Marv and Stephen. But this kind of job must be a total bore–that’s why I burned out of research and working in the first place. Moving from country to country imposed too many career breaks and I had no hope of finding an intellectually stimulating position where I was more than just an English editor (actually, a couple of part-time jobs I had after my post-doc did involve editing and teaching English).

A career-making job would be one where I could be the leader sometimes or all the time, help decide what projects were worthwhile, and had some decision-making responsibilties. But I’m not naive. This kind of responsibility also creates stress and demands beyond office hours. Even if I don’t mind putting in the time and effort, I am sure my family would resent it. It would be impossible trying to define the boundary between two opposing passions.

I’ve never had to be both mother and employee. Maybe it’s not as difficult as I’m imagining especially because Stephen will be older and more independent (all bets are off if we have another baby). Chances are, I’ll end up feeling guilty all the time just like many other parents.

Whatever kind of job I eventually have, the biggest challenge will be to convince everyone at work and at home that I am giving my all with no reservations or qualifications.